Humble pie.
I listened to Pray as You Go this morning hoping to start my day off on the right foot, not to earn points, which is my usual state of mind with regard to my devotional life. Today I began my morning with prayer and scripture as spiritual chiropractic alignment.
I fall into a trap of feeling I can never please God enough, thank God enough, serve God enough, love God enough, or be sorry enough for my failings. All this is true, and on top of it, Jesus says "one thing is needful." I picture Jack Palance in City Slickers, holding up his index finger and saying "one thing."
Years ago I saw a bumper sticker, "Jesus is coming. Look busy." I busy myself with a million unnecessary things in order to avoid the mystery of the true One Thing. Mary chose it, sitting and listening to Jesus, stopping in the midst of hubub and demands. Jesus came to free me into a leaping and dancing joyful life, but I look like the hymn singers outside the jail cell in the movie Amistad, the prisoner asking, "Why do they look so miserable?"
This morning, Pray-as-you-go, includes a reading from Micah. God is calling the mountains to listen to what he has to say to the people. Apparently, God has no people on His side, so He summons the rest of creation in frustration. It is an accusation; my stomach tightens. God calls on the rocks, hills, and dirt to be His witnesses. My heart sinks. I already know that I frustrate God. It's mutual.
God asks, "What have I done to you? How have I been a burden to you? I rescued you from slavery and gave you Moses and Miriam to lead you." What does God want in return? "Sacrifices of oil, grain, calves, herds? My firstborn?" The mountains lean in to listen to God respond to His own questions. All God wants is justice, tender love, and humble walking. I think of Rodney King's famous plea, "Can't we all get along?"
The podcast narrator asks, "Can you think of a time when someone loved you without expecting anything in return?" , an odd sequitur unless you realize that loving mercy, justice, and humility are not offerings to offset personal failures, but stars by which to navigate this life which you are hell bent on shipwrecking. What does God want in return? My good. God wants me to be my best self, the one redeemed from the broken pieces that I have swept and hidden in a corner, a pile of sharp edged chards marred by shame and blame. God's accusation? "What do you think I want? I don't want all of that busyness. I just want you, the real you, that unbroken you that is full of loving kindness like I am. Walk with me and you can bring that you to the universe. It yearns for it."
That simplifies my to-do list. It's not so much what I do this day, as how I do it. On my own, or with Help?
